Stupid
by Purple Archer
Summary: Wrong decisions have been made and Hermione suffers the consequences. HGSS


Disclaimer: Harry Potter is JK Rowling's. Stupid is Sarah McLachlan's. The imagination is mine.

Author's Note: Inspired by Sarah McLachlan's Stupid which is my favorite song. I didn't include the lyrics so forgive me for giving you the trouble of searching the lyrics. I recommend you to listen to the song if you haven't heard it yet.

Done in Hermione's point-of-view. Might be a little OOC but it helps in the story.

* * *

Stupid

I suddenly woke up. My eyes sought light from the darkness and settled on the moonlight reflected by the window. Him again. He's been recurring in my dreams. I know I shouldn't but I have no control over dreams.

A sleepy grunt made me realize that I was really dreaming. I turned to my side and watched the rising and falling of my husband Ron's chest.

I laid on my back and tears started to fall. How could I live like this? I shouldn't be here lying beside Ron. I should have married the man who has been plaguing my dreams – Severus Snape.

I waited until the sun rose and until Ron woke up.

"Good morning Hermione," he said sleepily. He peered at me blearily.

"Good, you're awake," I said flatly. I didn't look at him; instead I looked at the ceiling. I didn't mind being blunt with him. He never understood me. My flat tone was lost in his thick head.

"Yeah, I am," he agreed. I can feel him staring at me but I still didn't look at him.

"I love you," he said finally. He kissed my lips and I closed my eyes. Not because I enjoyed it but because our relationship was wearing me out and he still didn't know it or he chose to ignore it. I didn't bother kissing him back or reciprocating his declaration of love. When he didn't get the response he wanted, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

I sat up on my bed and tears flowed freely. Our marriage was failing and he overlooked it because he loved me so. But I didn't love him. My love for Ron would never go out of its platonic state. I married the wrong man and I was too loyal to break it to him.

I got out of bed and remembered; we were going to Grimmauld Place to plan the next assault on Voldemort and his Death Eaters. My heart jumped wildly. I'm going to see Severus again.

After morning preparations which I did with utmost care so that he wouldn't notice my emotions, we went to the fireplace and flooed at Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

When we finally got there, Ron took my hand to lead me to the dining hall where the Order of the Phoenix gathered. I let him do so but my eyes were roving throughout the place, searching for Severus.

I finally located him. He was sitting at the right of Dumbledore. Ron and I were seated across him. Our eyes met and I couldn't look away. But he was the first one to break our staring game.

When the meeting was called to order, everyone was given their duties. Occasionally, Severus and I looked at each other as if conversing through our eyes. I could see his longing for me. Through my eyes, I relayed to him, _not now_.

Dumbledore assigned us together to make a potion. I inwardly smiled while Ron scowled. He still disapproves of him working with me for some immature reason. But I cringed; he must not know or even suspect a thing.

After the meeting, Ron pulled me and dragged me to an empty room. He locked the door and faced me vehemently.

"Do you think I'm stupid? I know what's going on Hermione. How long have you been having an affair with Snape?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! You don't even have a proof!" I argued.

"You're right, I don't have a proof. But I'm not as thick headed as you think. Do you think I wouldn't notice your actions? Do you?" He asserted as he wrenched my arm.

"Let me go!" I hissed. "So if you notice my actions, why can't you tell that our relationship isn't working out? Now, you tell me!"

Ron didn't choose to answer my question. He let go of my arm and unlocked the door and left me alone with my painful thoughts. My life has been so complicated when I was pushed to marry him for I cannot have Severus.

I sat down on the couch and buried my face in my hands. I merely noticed footsteps entering and someone shutting the door close. I looked up and saw Severus just watching me intently.

"I applaud your fool of a husband. It must have taken him months to realize what was happening," he sneered.

"Don't go there. Just don't…" I cried.

He approached me and sat on my side. He tilted my head so I was forced to look at him.

"You're so close but you're so far away. I have you right here but I cannot have you," I said bitterly.

"Then I'll be farther away from you." He took a deep breath. "I must tell you something…"

"What is it?"

"I'm _forced _to leave the Order. I'll never come back here." He looked away from me while I pressed his hand.

"Why? Has something happened?" I looked at him worriedly.

He ignored my questions and rather said: "I want you to come with me."

I looked at him totally perplexed. "Why?"

Still, he ignored my question. "I cannot live without you any longer. You must make a choice, Hermione. It's either Mr. Weasley or me."

I have always followed my head even though my heart is against it. Every decision I've made, I've always trusted rationality. Now, I must choose my heart because reason has led me into this mess.

"I'll go with you."

* * *

I stare blankly at the window while holding a news clip in my hands. A knock has interrupted my thoughts. 

"Lady Snape?"

I turned around and saw that it was Wormtail.

"What is it?" I snapped.

"Your husband flooed earlier and said he will be late for dinner… As usual."

I simply nodded and turned to the window again. I ignored his sarcastic chuckle and the shutting of the door.

I read the news clip again even though I memorized each of the lines in the story.

THREE AURORS FOUND DEAD IN LONDON

Ron was among the aurors who were dead. Now I know why Severus was late yesterday for dinner. He and the other Death Eaters had an assault with the Aurors and other Order members.

I crumpled the news clip while tears were burning my eyes. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't know what I was getting into. I should have realized it before he invited me to go with him.

I'm not the brightest witch of our age. I do not even deserve to have the title of a know-it-all anymore because I don't _know it all._ I have been so stupid.

So utterly stupid.


End file.
